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Jokes directly or just slightly associated with sex
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sparticus
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 10:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ExtraCrispy wrote:
Wrong thread.. Shocked


Guessed as much
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Mr. Blue
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A little boy walks into a pharmacy and looks all over the place for something. He winds up in the feminine hygeine aisle and gets a box of tampons. He goes to the cashier who says,

"Can I help you, son?"

The boy says, "I want to buy these."

The puzzled cashier says, "Are they for your mom?"

The boy says, "No, they're for my brother and me."

The cashier says, "What do you need them for?"

The kid says, " I saw on TV a commercial and it says with these you can ride a bike, go swimming, and go camping, and my brother and I can't do any of those now."
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sparticus
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 12:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mr. Blue wrote:
A little boy walks into a pharmacy and looks all over the place for something. He winds up in the feminine hygeine aisle and gets a box of tampons. He goes to the cashier who says,

"Can I help you, son?"

The boy says, "I want to buy these."

The puzzled cashier says, "Are they for your mom?"

The boy says, "No, they're for my brother and me."

The cashier says, "What do you need them for?"

The kid says, " I saw on TV a commercial and it says with these you can ride a bike, go swimming, and go camping, and my brother and I can't do any of those now."
Shocked
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ExtraCrispy
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 2:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

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sparticus
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 7:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ExtraCrispy wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBcnliSUtb8


Strange - but yet - weird ...
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Roland
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ExtraCrispy wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBcnliSUtb8

I gave up cable TV more than a decade ago. The only show I really miss is South Park.
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ExtraCrispy
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 8:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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Mulligey
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 02, 2016 10:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i'm a little late to the party, but ...

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don't stop"
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Salty Dog
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
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Salty Dog
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

At last, the long-awaited finale of the televised poem competition had arrived.

The pope, who was a keen lyricist and writer of poems, had to everyone’s surprise entered the competition. He immediately announced that he would only be reciting poems about personal spiritual experiences. Despite this limitation, it turned out he was gifted with words and he had made it all the way to the final. His opponent was the favorite to win: a Harvard linguistics professor on the top of his career and with a mind as sharp as a knife’s edge.

The Harvard professor was up first. He was informed of the rules: "Two minutes to come up with a poem, and it must involve Timbuktu." The clock started, and when the time was up the Harvard professor approached the microphone:
"On my way through desert sand
Met a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu."

The crowd went wild. Commentators were lyrical. This was without a doubt the best poem of the competition. The Harvard professor had done it again! But as the crowd settled down their spirits sank. As far as anyone knew, the pope had never been to Timbuktu, which was soon confirmed by the TV commentator. How could the pope have a personal spiritual experience with such a word?! The elderly pope was walked to the stage and informed of the same rules: "Two minutes to come up with a poem, and it must involve Timbuktu."

The clock was started, but after only a short thought the pope stopped it. Everybody in the competition had used all the provided time, and as the pope approached the microphone a sigh went through the audience. Was he withdrawing from the competition? Would it all end in anti-climax? No, to everybody’s surprise the pope started to recite his poem based on personal spiritual experience:

"Me and Tim to Brisbane went
Met some ladies, cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one, and 'Tim-bucked-two.'"
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Rusty Edge
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Salty Dog wrote:
At last, the long-awaited finale of the televised poem competition had arrived.

The pope, who was a keen lyricist and writer of poems, had to everyone’s surprise entered the competition. He immediately announced that he would only be reciting poems about personal spiritual experiences. Despite this limitation, it turned out he was gifted with words and he had made it all the way to the final. His opponent was the favorite to win: a Harvard linguistics professor on the top of his career and with a mind as sharp as a knife’s edge.

The Harvard professor was up first. He was informed of the rules: "Two minutes to come up with a poem, and it must involve Timbuktu." The clock started, and when the time was up the Harvard professor approached the microphone:
"On my way through desert sand
Met a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu."

The crowd went wild. Commentators were lyrical. This was without a doubt the best poem of the competition. The Harvard professor had done it again! But as the crowd settled down their spirits sank. As far as anyone knew, the pope had never been to Timbuktu, which was soon confirmed by the TV commentator. How could the pope have a personal spiritual experience with such a word?! The elderly pope was walked to the stage and informed of the same rules: "Two minutes to come up with a poem, and it must involve Timbuktu."

The clock was started, but after only a short thought the pope stopped it. Everybody in the competition had used all the provided time, and as the pope approached the microphone a sigh went through the audience. Was he withdrawing from the competition? Would it all end in anti-climax? No, to everybody’s surprise the pope started to recite his poem based on personal spiritual experience:

"Me and Tim to Brisbane went
Met some ladies, cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one, and 'Tim-bucked-two.'"


Jokes tend to endure and evolve, but I must admit, I've never heard anything like this one before! Thumbs Up
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sparticus
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2017 5:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rusty Edge wrote:
Salty Dog wrote:
At last, the long-awaited finale of the televised poem competition had arrived.

The pope, who was a keen lyricist and writer of poems, had to everyone’s surprise entered the competition. He immediately announced that he would only be reciting poems about personal spiritual experiences. Despite this limitation, it turned out he was gifted with words and he had made it all the way to the final. His opponent was the favorite to win: a Harvard linguistics professor on the top of his career and with a mind as sharp as a knife’s edge.

The Harvard professor was up first. He was informed of the rules: "Two minutes to come up with a poem, and it must involve Timbuktu." The clock started, and when the time was up the Harvard professor approached the microphone:
"On my way through desert sand
Met a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu."

The crowd went wild. Commentators were lyrical. This was without a doubt the best poem of the competition. The Harvard professor had done it again! But as the crowd settled down their spirits sank. As far as anyone knew, the pope had never been to Timbuktu, which was soon confirmed by the TV commentator. How could the pope have a personal spiritual experience with such a word?! The elderly pope was walked to the stage and informed of the same rules: "Two minutes to come up with a poem, and it must involve Timbuktu."

The clock was started, but after only a short thought the pope stopped it. Everybody in the competition had used all the provided time, and as the pope approached the microphone a sigh went through the audience. Was he withdrawing from the competition? Would it all end in anti-climax? No, to everybody’s surprise the pope started to recite his poem based on personal spiritual experience:

"Me and Tim to Brisbane went
Met some ladies, cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one, and 'Tim-bucked-two.'"


Jokes tend to endure and evolve, but I must admit, I've never heard anything like this one before! Thumbs Up


Shocked Nice Shocked
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