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Cutiepie Jones the Pirate King
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captainkidd78
Seaman
Posts: 236


559 Gold -

PostPosted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 1:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cutiepie Jones entered the party and gave the doorman 500 pieces of gold. He made his way to the far wall of the hall and attempted to wait patiently for his love to arrive. Many people came by to speak with him, which he did, claiming that he was a commodore in the Royal Navy by the name of Charles Andrew Jones. He was chatting with some of the available women when out of nowhere Isabelle entered the room. As soon as she entered the room, she knew Cutiepie was there. She turned around and saw a man dressed in fine crimson silk with a perfect wig atop his head. A dance air was called, and the men and women begin dancing. Soon, as luck or perhaps it was just the participants would have it, Cutiepie and Isabelle were dancing together. Noone was laughing at him now, looking all dandified and dancing like a drunk cat in Tortuga. After the dance ended the two love-birds finally spoke.

"I thought you were dead my love," whispered Isabelle

"No. Why are you getting married? Do you not remember what we had, although so brief, yet so powerful?," replied an emotional Jones.

"It has been chosen for me. We both know whom I love Mr. Jones. But that must wait," a shaking Isabelle said.

"Wait! I've been through a lot, and I am not letting some prince boy get in my way. I will slap the little inbred bugger righteous," said Jones, perhaps a bit too loudly.

"Your First Mate Gabriel Pires is in great danger. He is a wanted man in England, and he is being arrested right now," said a crying Isabelle.

Jones turned around and before him stood the Ambassador. Before the Ambassador could say a word, Jones slapped him with the outside of his right hand and ran out of the party and back to the inn. A panting John Thomas was at the inn, describing the attackers as government officials, and that he was heading southeast to Newgate.

Jones and his loyal crew stopped just around the corner of Newgate. Cutiepie had a plan and it would be very difficult to accomplish. He ran full speed into the door of Newgate and by-god the door came down. His motley crew ran into the prison, fighting guards off and searching for Pires. At last, after 20 minutes of searching they found Pires and managed to remove his manacles and to head for exit of Newgate Prison. When they emerged they were surrounded by a hundred police and army officers, who came upon the 16 surviving pirates with vengeance and justice.

The seriousness of the situation proved itself very evident when Jones and his crew were found guilty of piracy and treason with a sentence of death by hanging. The last hours of his life would be filled with loss and pain. His charmed life was now in shreds. His love was within his reach and his dreams a moment from fulfillment. He made his way to the docks in Wapping and was led up to the noose. The rope was put around his neck and without any fanfare, he was hung. Alas! The rope broke and Jones got up, spit up, and made his way back up to the noose. Again he was hung, and again he fell to the ground. Was this not a sign!!! Once more he was brought up to his death, when out of nowhere a voice boomed out. "Do not kill these men!"

The voice belonged to none other than the King of all England. Of course he was surrounded by soldiers, but still this was quite an event for the public. The king released the men and told Jones, "Go see Isabelle and leave this island soon after." The crowd erupted in cheers, yet Jones could only imagine what would be the meaning of this.

When he arrived, Isabelle had tears in her eyes and a quaver in her voice. She began, "Cutiepie, you are indeed my true love for there is no doubt. I cannot be with you, in any way. I have asked for your freedom, and in return you must leave me forever. Please do not hate me, or think evil of me. Think upon me as your great love, who comes only once a lifetime. You must go now, but first receive this..."

With that, Isabelle planted a kiss that had never been seen before. It seemed to last forever, yet only lasted a few seconds. Both of these people knew that this would be the end of the road for them, and they parted company as friends.

Jones, let go a single,lost, lonely tear and headed for his ship. He turned around to see his love once more and as he turned he slipped upon a mound of cow manure and covered his fine clothes with it. He simply got up, smiled once more for his love, and removed all of his clothes. He then ran full speed through London to his ship, with policemen chasing him, but not so quickly as they did not want to touch a crap-covered naked man...
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captainkidd78
Seaman
Posts: 236


559 Gold -

PostPosted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A naked Captain Cutiepie Jones ran upon the deck of a Royal Navy corvette (whose crew was not very happy) and then took a dive into the Thames where he began his swim to his frigate. He was pulled into his ship and found some clothes to wear. First Mate Pires came into his cabin and began to cry.

"What is wrong Gabriel?," asked Jones

"Captain, I have caused you the loss of your love," answered Pires.

"Oh, it is okay Gabriel. There are many brothels out there and I can call the members Isabelle anytime I want!," replied a horribly perverted Captain Jones.

(Pires is half-disgusted/half-happy that Jones is okay/not okay depending on opinion)

The ship pulled out of London and sailed past his hometown of Exeter. He sent a party into town to steal something for the ship. The men came back with a figure of Jesus on a cross. The figure was put upon the mast and the ship was re-christened The Isabelle. All of a sudden a stiff wind came upon the ship and sent her back towards London. Jones saw this as a sign from God and ordered the cannons loaded, which they were. Then Jones made a decision that would change the history of the world. He ordered the men to fire at full power and then to turn about for a fast retreat to the Indies.

The rounds were fired and it's aim was true. The first volley crashed into an ammunition ship which exploded and closed the port of London for the day. The next round crashed into a Royal Yacht which was hosting a peace treaty between the three powers of England, Spain, and France. All politicians on board were either killed or seriously wounded. This single incident caused even larger rifts between the nations which would end in full-out war.

Jones and his frigate raced full speed and in their wake at least 30 warships were bearing down on him. Out of nowhere, by the grace of God, a large storm bearing very high winds pulled in directly behind Jones's ship, sending him flying toward the New World, while those in the chase were sent reeling in other directions.

Cutiepie Jones practiced his swordplay as the ship sailed back to his new home. He fought a very exciting battle which he won 3 matches to 1 against a trio of barrels of salted pork. How he lost that single match is still up to much debate.

~The End
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