Jokes directly or just slightly associated with sex

sparticus · Helmsman Posts: 5818 **44872 Gold** -

Freudian Humar :

Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I'm never alone.

Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you!

Hypochondria is the only illness that I don't have.

Tom Pullings · Gunner Posts: 534 **11279 Gold** -

Masochist: Please whip me with that cat o' nine tails.

Sadist: Nooo . . . I won't.

ExtraCrispy · Boatswain Posts: 3923 **39052 Gold** -

^ Great joke Tom Pullings! Laughing

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

Q. How do I go about faxing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to fax. If they do, they will give you their phone number.

Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write memo's to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age once you learn the correct procedure.

Q. If I fax something to myself will I go blind?
A. Certainly not. As far as we can see.

Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A. Yes, many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a "professional" when their needs become too great.

Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should always be used.

Q. What happens if I do the procedure incorrectly and fax prematurely?
A. Don't panic. Many people fax prematurely when they haven't faxed in a long time. Just start over, most people won't mind if you try again.

Q. I have a personal and a business fax. Can transmissions become mixed up?
A. Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but so long as you use a cover with each one you won't transmit anything you're not supposed to.

Q. Is getting faxed by one person the same as with another?
A. No. Even though many people (especially lawyers) would like you to believe that the longer they are faxing you the better you will like it. In reality the best fax is short, of high quality, and very graphic.

Q. There is a man I'd very much like to fax (I've tried several times) but he can't seem to keep his equipment up long enough. Is there any thing I can do to help him?
A. You could suggest that he contact a good fax therapist, such as Canon or Mitsubishi. If he refuses to take the suggestion, it would be best if you just wrote him off.

sparticus · Helmsman Posts: 5818 **44872 Gold** -

So after landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Walmart . Nice children you have, are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the
other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a nice day and thank you for shopping at Walmart .'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.