CDC Says Jokes

[corsair91]

‘CDC Says’ Jokes

(tongue in cheek -
Don't try these at home)


The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommended reducing how long someone has to stay isolated after testing positive for the Covd-19 coronavirus.

This seemed to elicit quite a few “say whats?” The concern was this and the CDC decreasing recommended quarantine times might be premature relaxations.

The “say what” reactions may have, in turn, spawned a “CDC says”
trend on Twitter


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CDC is not the center for commerce & corporations.
It’s the center for DISEASE CONTROL.

Haitham Ahmed, MD


BREAKING: The CDC says you can now quarantine at work as long as you’re being productive, anyone slacking WILL die

Diego Lopez



CDC just said you only need to quarantine if you on a ventilator. But if ya ventilator got wheels and a battery pack you gotta take yo ass to work.

Roy Wood Jr



CDC says do your quarantine on your two 15 minute breaks

Ashley



If you’re bitten by a zombie, the CDC says you can stay at work until you begin to crave brains at which point you should take a 15 minute break and then get back to doing your job.

Kalynn Bayron


The CDC now says you can text your ex when you're drunk.

Roberto Efraín (Robbie) Díaz




CDC says it is now safe to return to work if your workplace is on fire.

Emergency Pants


The CDC says just go out there and start licking people.

Kashana


The CDC says you can now wipe back to front

Bog Witch Energy



the cdc says sex is just so much better without a condom and promises to pull out

alyssugh



BREAKING: cdc says it is fine to bathe with your toaster as long as you plug it in first

Incindery


The cdc says companies can start putting cocaine in soda again

Valeroe Tosi


#CDCRecommends using "password" as your password, because it will probably be okay.


Larry Hunt



2020 - Quarantine for 14 days
2021 - Quarantine for 10 days
2022 - Quarantine for 5 days

Amin M. Demerdash, MD



CDC says if I get sick I can be back at work in 5 days, but if my cat gets sick, it should take the full 14-days

ZombiePharaoh



CDC says ‘Ten Commandments unnecessary; 5 are enough. You pick.’

Tamara Meyer

[corsair91]

The CDC recommends you put pineapple on your pizza.”


“The CDC now recommends you don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.”


The CDC recommends yelling at relatives vitually

Ashley Cullinane


The CDC just announced you can fill a theme park
with dinosaurs again if you really learned your lesson
last time



The CDC announced that I don't have to tell anyone
else in the group that a Zombie bit me a few miles back


CDC shortens isolation requirements to: "Whatever your boss needs."

chris hauselt



the CDC says it's not omicron unless it comes from the Omicrônne region of France, otherwise it's just sparkling covid


The CDC now recommends you rub some dirt on it



the CDC now recommends that if you hear a volcano erupting, just duck and cover and the lava will flow right over you



The CDC recommends bringing the giant wooden horse into the city, it seems nice


The CDC says you can now run with scissors.


The CDC now recommends, if you're worried about infecting your family, you should never physically leave your place of employment


CDC is always like "we are following the science, from thirty paces behind so we don't spook it"