Pirate Jokes

[KingWilly]

A pirate captain is out sailing when they come across a Spanish Galleon heading towards them. Just before the two ships crash together, the Captain calls out to his first mate
"Bring me my red shirt"
The first mate thinks this is strange, but obliges by bringing the shirt.
There was a fearsome battle, but the Pirates win out over the Spanish Galleon and taking all the spoils.

At dinner that night, the first mate queries the Captain over the red shirt.
"Well" says the Captain. "If I had been wounded in battle, the red shirt would have disguised the spilt blood and the rest of the crew would continue fighting, not worrying about their Captain"
The first mate replies "You are a fantastic leader Captain. You are strong and fearless, but also intelligent. I salute you."

Two days later while at sea the entire Spanish Armada heads towards the Pirate ship. Just as the ship is about to collide with one of the fleet of Spanish ships, the Captain calls out to his first mate.
"Bring me my Brown pants"
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Shiver me timbers!!!
"It's good to be the king" - Mel Brooks

AKA. Will Scarlett.

[PiratesFan]

LOL (over kill on laughs but couldn't resist)

Good joke.

[Hayreddin Barbarossa]

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ROTFL!

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Hayreddin Barbarossa, proud member of the LIB

[Butcher]

that's bloody good

[KingWilly]

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them--yarrgh, er, pooped--in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from that!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
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Shiver me timbers!!!
"It's good to be the king" - Mel Brooks

AKA. Will Scarlett.

[KingWilly]

Once there was a tricky pirate working his deceptions on the crewmembers of his ship. Since many of the crew frequently lost their lives, the tricky pirate had a new audience nearly every week, so he could play the same tricks over and over. But there was a snag to the tricky pirate's wily ways. The captain's parrot saw each performance week after week and eventually caught on to how they were performed.

From then on, when the pirate was doing his tricks, the parrot began blurting out the secrets behind them. "The coin is in his other hand!" "The rabbit's under the table!" "All the cards are the ace of hearts!" The tricky pirate was fuming, but he couldn't do a thing. After all, it was the captain's parrot spoiling all his fun.

One fateful day, rats burrowed through the hull and the ship sank. The tricky pirate found himself floating on a peice of wood in the middle of the ocean. Ironically, the parrot was sharing the same peice of wood. They stared at eachother in extreme disgust, but did not say a thing.

This went on for a couple of days until the parrot finally, "I give up. Where's the ship?"
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Shiver me timbers!!!
"It's good to be the king" - Mel Brooks

AKA. Will Scarlett.

[Falconer]

Hehe, cool one.

Alright, here's another one. If you're easily offended, don't read on. *grin*

After losing his wife, a wealthy poultry farmer thought he'd buy a parrot to keep him company during the now so lonely evenings. It didn't take the bird much time to find out that there were chickens just behind the house he was living in. On a daily basis he'd visit the henhouse to shag a few and leave the rooster fuming.

This went on for a while until the farmer found out why his hens had been so restless lately. Angrily he told the parrot: "If you fuck my chickens even one more time, I'm going to shave you all over!"

Of course the parrot couldn't resist and went out that very night, only to be caught by the farmer, razor in hand.

A week later the farmer held a big party. Knowing the animals character the farmer said "You will stay on your stick behind the piano all night and behave, or else!". Disgruntled the parrot saw the guests come in. Then a older, bald man entered the room. Recognition dawning on him the parrot blurted: "CHICKEN FUCKERS BEHIND THE PIANO PLEASE!".

[Butcher]

[TheDS]

I have a Sid joke, not exactly a pirate joke, though next year I might turn it into a Pirate joke.

click here to read it. Note the date it was posted.
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And God said "Let there be light!"
and NIPSCO said "Charge em for it!"

Hey, if you live in the Daytona beach / St. Augustine area, and you are interested in playing games, send me a note. I need a new gamer group!

[Gainy bo]

Shamelessly copied from a 'bad jokes' thread at another forum

Hey, did you hear about the new pirate movie coming out?
It's rated "AARRRRRRRR!!"

Similar: Why are pirates pirates?
Becasue they Arrrr!

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
the pirates reply: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR It's drivin' me nuts"
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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

[Falconer]

Owww *slaps head/shaking head* I need to implement a vote system that lets people vote about a cheesyness factor of these jokes. This one would rate 5/5 surely!

[PiratesFan]

[KingWilly]

Not exactly a pirate joke, but here goes..

The Governor of a town was given a parrot (which was formerly owned by a pirate) for his birthday one year. Unfortunately, this parrot, being previously owned by a pirate, would scream out with all sorts of obscene language, call his beautiful daughter all sorts of rude names and screech at all hours of the night, much to the Governors dismay.

To stop this he tried many things. Firstly, he tried to calm the parrot by talking nicely to it. But that didn't work and the parrot continued to scream and swear.

Next, he tied the parrots beak together. This worked well for a while, but as soon as he untied the parrot, the parrot just let out even worse obscenities.

After many weeks, the Governor had had enough and as a last resort, picked up the parrot from his cage and threw him in the freezer. There was plenty of swearing and squaking for a few minutes and then silence. The silence went on for a few minutes, before the Governor decided to open up the freezer again.
The Parrot calmly flew up to the perch in his cage and said "I'll be good from now on, but just tell me...what did the chicken do?"
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Shiver me timbers!!!
"It's good to be the king" - Mel Brooks

AKA. Will Scarlett.

[Angel]

And, I like cheesy jokes - simple, but funny!
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A bloodthirsty wench...

[Arrrr]

I think I've heard all these before, although not the really cheesy ones or the ..ehem.. chicken-loving one. Still, it be a good laugh, te relieve the boredom of the piratin' journey
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Mutinied to the good ship 'World of Warcraft'