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corsair91
Sailing Master
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 Posted: Tue Dec 24, 2019 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?
Because they already have all the booty!
A pirate walks into a bar with a big ships wheel down his pants.
The bartender says, “Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship’s wheel down the front of your pants?
The pirate replies, “Aaargh, it’s driving me nuts!!â€
Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
Why is pirating so addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye! |
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ExtraCrispy
Boatswain
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| Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 8:46 am Post subject: |
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| corsair91 wrote: | Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?
Because they already have all the booty!
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8193
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| Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2019 2:53 am Post subject: |
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What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire?
He got burnt to the ground.
How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands and two legs?
A beginner.
To err is human.
To arr is seriously pirate.
What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates?
The Steady Relationship.
Last edited by corsair91 on Mon Dec 30, 2019 4:01 am; edited 1 time in total |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8193
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| Posted: Sun Dec 29, 2019 2:59 am Post subject: |
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Which side of his boat does a good pirate try to avoid?
A: The outside.
What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?
Shiver me timbers.
The First Mate was on lookout for hazards from the crow's nest on a pirate ship.
Suddenly, a huge wave hit the ship throwing the Mate from the nest.
He crashed through the upper deck and landed right in the Captain's quarters.
The Captain, was startled and asked, "Matey, ye be hurt?"
"Narrrr Cap'n," replied the First Mate, "I've been through hardships before!"
What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?
A sunken chest with no booty.
A pirate and his parrot were adrift in a lifeboat after a dramatic escape from a vicious battle.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
The pirate was astonished when a Genie did indeed appear. The first thing the Genie said, however, was that he could only grant one wish, not the usual three.
Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate said, "Make the entire sea into rum!"
The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the best rum ever tasted by man.
At the same time, the Genie disappeared into thin air.
Only the gentle lapping of rum against the lifeboat broke the silence as the pirate and the parrot considered their circumstances.
The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment said, "Now you've done it! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat." |
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corsair91
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Posts: 8193
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| Posted: Sun Jan 19, 2020 2:55 am Post subject: |
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What do you get if you clone Jack Sparrow?
A pirate copy.
How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
He bought it on sail.
What was the name of the most frugal pirate?
Barry D. Treasure!
Why did the pirate give up playing golf?
Because he kept hooking the ball!
Why was it so hard to call the pirate on the phone?
Because he left it off the hook.
Last edited by corsair91 on Fri Nov 19, 2021 10:52 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8193
206350 Gold -
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| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2021 10:46 pm Post subject: |
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What did the first mate see down the toilet?
The Captains log!
What is a pirates favourite doll?
BAAAAARRRRBIE!
What do you call a stupid pirate?
The pillage idiot!
What happens if you take the p out of a pirate?
He becomes irate!
What do you call a pirate with three eyes?
Piiirate!
What kind of grades does a pirate get in school?
High seas! |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8193
206350 Gold -
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| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2021 10:58 pm Post subject: |
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Why did the pirate pull out of the stock market?
Because he was in shark-invested waters!
How come only the pirate with the eyepatch was able to make it to shore?
Because it was one island!
What did the sailor say when he boarded a plane instead of a ship?
Good afternoon, this is your pirate speaking!
What do pirates fear even more than walking down the plank?
Walking down the aisle!
What’s a pirate’s favorite camera brand?
Cannon!
Three pirates walk into a cinema.
Sorry, we don’t allow pirating here!
Why was the pirate so nervous to get into a relation-ship?
Because he didn’t know what it would en-compass! |
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Pirate
Helmsman
Posts: 5589
109759 Gold -
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| Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2021 11:12 pm Post subject: |
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Hey why you picking on poor ole Pirate here. Shame on you. 😠|
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Pirate
Helmsman
Posts: 5589
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| Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2021 3:27 am Post subject: |
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How do you turn a pirate furious?
Take away the “p.†|
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8193
206350 Gold -
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| Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2022 5:44 pm Post subject: |
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Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?
Because booty is only shin deep
What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
Termites
A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined.
The doctor says: “They’re benign.â€
The pirate replies: “no, no doc, there be 11. I counted them before I came here.†|
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Pirate
Helmsman
Posts: 5589
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| Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2022 7:46 am Post subject: |
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How did the pirate get the wenches attention?
Yo ho! |
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Pirate
Helmsman
Posts: 5589
109759 Gold -
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| Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2022 7:54 am Post subject: |
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Why do pirates need cell phones? To make booty calls! |
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