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fleetp
Boatswain
Posts: 3733
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 Posted: Fri Dec 04, 2020 9:23 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for posting these.  |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
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| Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2020 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
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| Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2021 11:04 pm Post subject: |
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Some Social Media posts in 2020
When leaving the House...
2019:
Keys, Phone, Wallet
2020:
Keys, phone, wallet, mask, hand sanitizer,
samurai sword, written will, hornet repellent,
protest sign, Martal arts abilities, Stress ball, Holy Water.
This is actually a good perspective.
In all your apocalypse movies, you show up and save the day.
And now when the opportunity to be a hero is here......
you want haircuts? WTF
1995: There are 6 inches of snow. School is cancelled.
2020: There's a global pandemic that will kill some of your
parents and teachers and a few of you. Don't miss the bus.
Every "safety plan" I've seen that would allow public schools to reopen
requires Kids behave in ways that no Child has ever behaved in the history of children.
Picture of a racoon standing in the water at the edge of a stream
The offical mascot of 2020
Always wears a mask
Compulsively washes hands.
letters of racoon rearranged spells corona |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
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| Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2021 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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more 2020 posts
Utah Mom's Penis Mask Trick Is How She Can Tell When People Are 'Too Close'
"When someone tells me my mask has penises on it,
I kindly let them know this is how I determine they
are too close, kindly back the [expletive] up"
So having Kids go through metal detectors at school, and
having armed guards and routine mass-shooting drills is
"the price of freedom".
But when you having to wear a Mask in Walmart for 10 minutes
is "tyranny?"
I just got kicked out of a flat earth Facebook Group
because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing guide
has pushed anyone over the edge yet.
Store Sign
MASK REQUIRED FOR SERVICE
MASK REQUIRED FOR SERVICE
MASK REQUIRED FOR SERVICE
MASK REQUIRED FOR SERVICE
Do not pout. Do not whine. Do not argue.
Do not harass the employees.
Do not spout conspiracy theories or regurgitate misinformation
you got from your dumb uncle on Facebook.
This isn't political; It is basic health and safety.
Do not choose to be the reason the rest of the world is laughing at us.
"I fOrGoT iT IN mY cAr." Well, go get it then.
"This is UnConStitUtioNal." No. it's not.
"This is A hOaX" You're an idiot.
Fencing Sport Sign
Showing 2 olympic style fencers
wearing masks and with rapiers or foils
both lunging to make a hit
and lists the address of the fencing academy
FENCING: The perfect COVID-19 Sport
Masks
Gloves
If anybody gets closer than 6 feet to you,
you stab them |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
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| Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2021 6:31 am Post subject: |
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I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it!
Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me!â€
Did you hear the joke about coronavirus? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around!
My mum always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now! I’m saving the world!
Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday†while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake!
What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke?
Be patient!
I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a six-foot pole†would become a national policy, but here we are!
If I keep stress-eating at this level, the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other!
Being quarantined with a talkative child is like having an insane parrot glued to your shoulder
Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy.
For months nobody has walked into a bar.
You know what they’re saying about 2020.
It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke?
It flu over his head.
What did the astronauts say to NASA when they notified them that their mission was complete and they could return to earth?
Thanks, but no thanks.
During the pandemic, it’s important to take after NASA.
Give people space. |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
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| Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2021 4:33 am Post subject: |
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Until further notice,
the days of the week are now called:
Thisday, Thatday,
otherday,
someday,
Yesterday, Today
& Nextday!
Roses are Red,
Violets are blue,
we just want some Gigs
(and a festival or Two) |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
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| Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2021 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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I don’t know why my fishing buddy is worried about coronavirus.
He never catches anything.
If you have to wear a mask and glasses due to coronavirus, you’re eligible for condensation.
During lockdown, I’ve been working out.
The first month, I started by lifting two 2.5kg potato bags.
The next month, I lifted two 5kg potato bags.
If I carry on like this, soon I’ll be strong enough to do it with a potato inside each bag.
OK, so apparently my chance of survival is directly reliant upon how much common sense the rest of the world has?
You have to be joking me.
If you are in the group of people that thinks that if we just reopen everything and go back to life as per normal, please raise your hand.
Now give yourself a damn good slap with that hand.
How come the liquor stores don't have empty shelves?
Don't people understand that they will be quarantined with their spouses and kids?
The Coronavirus has achieved what no female has every been able to achieve. It has cancelled sports, closed all bars and kept all guys at home!
Last edited by corsair91 on Thu Oct 21, 2021 9:05 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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fleetp
Boatswain
Posts: 3733
36110 Gold -
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| Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2021 11:40 pm Post subject: |
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Electro-lux (the company that makes Frigidaire major appliances) says they can't keep up with telephone calls to their customer service line due to limited staffing because of the corona virus.
Telemarketers don't seem to have that problem. |
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Pirate
Helmsman
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109759 Gold -
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| Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2021 4:21 am Post subject: |
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I bought a world map and then gave my wife a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.†Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge. |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
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| Posted: Sun Jul 25, 2021 11:36 am Post subject: |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
207446 Gold -
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| Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2021 3:29 am Post subject: |
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Package Delivery Meme
There's really only 2 types of days in quarantine:
days packages come and days Packages don't come
Quarantine Zoom Fails
Me: This Show is boring.
Boss: Again, this is a Zoom Conference
Quarantine Day x
Today's Weather?
Room Temperature
Why did the cannibal die of COVID-19?
Too many handshakes. |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
207446 Gold -
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| Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2021 8:51 pm Post subject: |
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Why hasn’t anyone in Antarctica contracted COVID-19?
They’re so ice-o-lated.
Did you hear that vaccinations are controversial in some communities?
It’s a real sticking point.
One horse asks the other if he’s tried Ivermectin.
“I haven’t,†he says, “but my neigh-bor has.â€
What’s the difference between working from home and
working in an office?
COVID.
What do you call grabbing your packages from the front porch?
The day’s outdoor activities.
What’s the worst part of homeschooling?
You can’t transfer students out of your class.
What are some unexpected consequences of over-the-counter efforts
to treat COVID-19?
Dirty fish tanks.
I would make a COVID-19 joke, but it would be tasteless.
What does eating raw garlic have to do with preventing COVID-19?
It helps keep everyone at a safe distance. |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
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| Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2021 2:38 pm Post subject: |
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social Media posts
I'm not buying a 2022 planner until I see the trailer!
I don't know who needs to hear this right now,
but if you're self isolating, under no circumstances
should you cut your own hair.
Strange times for cats.
First the dogs kept inside, now the humans.
Must feel like they've won. |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
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| Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2022 12:46 am Post subject: |
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How does COVID travel?
The Batmobile.
What did the single guy say to the single woman during lockdown?
“If COVID doesn’t take you out, can I?â€
What did the virologist say to the public?
Probably the opposite of what he’ll tell them next week.
Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown?
Because the “Arrrr!†rate had risen. |
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corsair91
Sailing Master
Posts: 8247
207446 Gold -
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| Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2022 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.
I’m not talking to myself, I’m having a parent-teacher conference.
How do you socially distance while around family?
A high-fiber diet.
There is a new Covid strain that is causing people to gain massive amounts of weight.
The om-nom-nom-nom-icron variant
Hang on, you are telling me that they don't have a cure for a disease that can be killed with soap?
Mexico is asking Trump to hurry up and build the wall NOW!
The science communty has figured out that the spread of Coronavirus is based solely on two things.
1. How dense the population is
2. How dense the population is |
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